How can I describe this week?
An eye-opener for a lot of reasons. It was beautiful in some moments and a bit sour at other times. I don’t know exactly what format is required for this week’s Dreem Challenge, so I’ll just let this run in whatever course it takes me.
Sometimes, it occurs to me, that it’s not so easy being good. It’s not so easy going out of your way to spread goodness around. I know you may say that if goodness was an innate quality you possessed, it wouldn’t be so hard to spread it. That it wouldn’t be so hard, letting the goodness you’ve always possessed reach everyone around you. I don’t doubt that.
But I’ve also come to understand that we are what we give others. That we’re all a cup. Whatever we experience, the challenges we face, the innate qualities that seek to triumph over the ugly, and everything in between. They all mix and fill our cup, so at the end of the day, whatever has triumphed, whatever life and fate and faith have brewed in our hearts, overflows. And that’s the energy we spread out to everyone.
It’s a daunting thought. To understand, that however good we perceive ourselves to be, the energy that overflows from our cups is unconscious, and most of the time we can’t even help it. It reaches out to people and some would gush at our kindness and warm-hearted nature, based on the end-product; the good energy that has overflowed. And others would frown and try to keep away, calling us toxic. People may even pick a fight with us. They feel traces of the toxic energy and are subtly responding to that.
This is becoming too esoteric for my liking, so I’ll try to match this up with my purpose for writing this.
So, my vibe(energy) as this week began wasn’t exactly positive. Far from it. I had a lot of things going on and I was stressed almost to the point of breakdown. So the first thought in my head when I saw the challenge for this week was to sigh. How could I give to others what I didn’t even have?
But then I remembered that this was why I made my Dreem teem comprise of the people it has.bBecause, more than anything, my emotions towards them have always been genuine and pure so spreading love the way I can would be easy.
And so I began the first day with a member of my Dreem teem. We talk regularly. Hive stuff, intellectual stuff, our lives and everything in between. And so, I let our conversations flow away from anything to do with the challenge. I doubt we mentioned it once.
I think one of the very underestimated things in life is the power of listening. The power of keeping whatever exciting thoughts or experiences you’d want to share and genuinely listening to people. Their dreams, their hopes, their fears and just being there for them by being that listening ear. I believe everyone deserves to be heard and so you give, and you love and you learn by that singular action.
The next day, I tried my hands on poetry. Jeez...it had been so long. Far too long since I wrote poetry. It was a beautiful experience for me. And what made it more beautiful was the fact that it was to someone I cared about. So, the emotions rushed like a gracefully flowing stream. Of course, I had to tweak it when I was done and refine it so that it would convey, if not all, at least half of the Positivity that was bursting at the seams of my heart at that moment.
I waited patiently for her response and when I got the customary 18-minute long voice note, I smiled so hard and plugged in my ear pods to listen. I didn’t expect anything much because the poem in itself was something I’d been meaning to write for her for a long time. But it would make anyone’s heart sing when your love is met with even more love.
Today, I reached out to my last ideel member. I hadn’t been a stellar friend these past few days so I reached out. Not to hash out whatever underlying issues they were. But to move on. To focus on the present. To love and appreciate our presence in each other’s lives. As a person who believes a lot in Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service, that’s the best way to show how deep my emotions run.
So, listening and talking. Giving my thoughts where needed. Being of service in whatever way was required, was the final straw to wash away the negativities that encompassed my week. I shook away the bad thoughts and just let myself experience the blessings of giving: time, resources, a smile...and everything in between.
Even though this is not a requirement, I’d like to add that I reached out to a few more people. Offline friends that had more or less shunned me because of my nonchalant and unresponsive attitude.
It didn’t turn out well.
I bore through the lash-outs. I won’t say I deserved it, or that I did. Frankly, it would have been surprising and unrealistic if I expected open arms after everything. But it was my way of just putting out there that we’re all going through one shitty experience or the other. But let’s always remember that we have people. I’ll try again another time, maybe.
But in the meantime, this is how my week has been. Mildly chaotic, and not exactly my best week. But an enlightening experience altogether.
Image is mine.